This isn’t Rachel, it’s David. This is a guest post, it was important to Rachel that I mention that this is a guest post, and so I plan to do so on several occasions. The reasoning behind this will be obvious to those who know us, and become obvious to those who don’t. Also, this is a guest post.
Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. Or we’re super tired and going to stay up late and paint awards for campers. In either of these cases you (I’m going to move away from using ‘we’ now, because it was bothering me) might find that you are in need of that old favorite, the Bowl of Processed Foodstuffs! This delicacy is great in a pinch and can be assembled from basic ingredients available in the dorm rooms of most college males (often THIS college male). Best of all, it allows for total chef customization, allowing you to create the ideal bowl for your body, mood, and needs. This is a guest post!
Lets start by doing a name breakdown. Word 1: Bowl. The bowl as a concept is extremely important to this dish, while not actually important specifically. Let me clarify. You have to have a thing to put the other things in, otherwise it will just be things on the floor, or counter, or bathroom sink (the Bowl of Processed Foodstuffs is easily transportable and can be enjoyed anywhere). I enjoy bowls because they tend to be of an appropriate volume for a moderately sized snack (for me) and they are slightly less likely to spill than a plate. If no bowl is available to you, however, you can easily replace it with a plate, pan lid, piece of cardboard, or even a grocery bag in a pinch. I would suggest you change the name accordingly when serving (IE A Fish Tank of Processed Foodstuffs).
This is a guest post.
NOTE: The word ‘of’ is being omitted from our name breakdown, but I have included a definition for your convenience. OF –preposition (used to indicate derivation, origin, or source): a man of good family; the plays of Shakespeare; a piece of cake.
Word 2: Processed. This is important (and a guest post). Many bloggers these days are all about ‘health food’. This is Russian for food made from stuff you have to buy at shady outdoor stalls in ‘farmer’s markets’ or at places like whole foods, which my friend’s mom used to call ‘whole wallet’. The point is, most of these foods are made from things like fresh fruit, delicious veggies, tofu and soy of every color of the rainbow. You will find NONE of these things in Bowl of Processed Foodstuffs. If it can be called ‘fresh’ the just say NO!
Word 3: Guest Post. I mean Foodstuffs. This is really just a continuation of the previous paragraph. Foodstuffs goes beyond just not fresh fruit or veggies, but into the realm of what does and does not really constitute food. While home made oatmeal cookies aren’t good for you, they definitely count as food. Funions on the other hand, do not. We’re looking for things more closely related to Funions.
My Bowl of Processed Foodstuffs had this in it:
White Cheddar Cheez-Its (A little less than Some)
Starbursts (Like Nine?)
Nutter Butters (Two)
Oreo (One, as a garnish)
NOTE: These ingredients can be replaced with literally anything that came in a box, bag, or other environmentally unconscious packaging (or even those new compostable Sunchip bags), but remember it cannot be real food.
The actually cooking process is delightfully simple. You put them in a bowl. I like to layer them, usually salty sweet salty, because I like the contrast but want the last taste in my mouth not to be Funions. You are by no means constrained to this though, and the dish will come out good pretty much regardless.
I suggest serving with Cherry Pepsi, but again, feel free to improvise.